No brotherly visit

What I meant to mention in my earlier post but neglected to say because I started ranting is that the latest thing to bug me in my life is the fact that I had been very much looking forward to my brother visiting me today from TX, but his flight was cancelled and he couldn’t come. The flights aren’t looking very good for tomorrow either so I am not sure if he will make it tomorrow either.

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Desperation of having to go back to TX

Well my depression that has been setting in deeper and deeper for months now hit a new low this morning at about 3 a.m. The final confirmation that we are closing down the office came from the boss. I’m jobless and am going to have to move back in with my family. Furthermore I’m going to end up going into debt to my old boss to be able to afford to do this. I really don’t want to work for him on a long term basis again but I’m feeling as if I may have no choice.

I sent my resume to one company yesterday, got the response back that they have no openings available but will keep me in mind when openings do come up. I’m going to send it off to another company today, anything to avoid working for Metrotime again. I can handle working for Metrotime for a few weeks or even a month or two, but I don’t want to get myself locked into it, I was not treated properly there and the sad thing is my boss didn’t even realize how poorly he was treating me. He seemed to think he was doing me a favor and that he was incredibly kind to me. He does have a kind atitude most of the time, but it’s not all about atitude, it’s about respect. I didn’t get it there. I was asked to do rediculous tasks and I was never even offered an actual position, I was a consultant the entire 2 years I worked for him, which of course meant double taxes (self employment tax). He would continually say “I’m going to put you on regular insert time here“, but each time he would say that, the time would come, and the time would go, and then weeks later he would say again, “I’m going to put you on regular insert another time here.”

It’s not only that, I gave him my business outright and asked for only 2 things in return. I asked that #1) he pay me for my time when I had to work on the server, and #2) That he honor the agreements I had made with several of my customers. Well there were several instances where he would order me to continually work on the server until the task was completed and then when it came time to pay, would not pay me for anything after say 6 p.m. when I worked all night and into the next day to fix the problem that he would order me to do. I did not appreciate that one bit, but I kept my mouth shut. As for my customers, he would continually say things like “How come this person is only paying this much?” and I would answer “Cause that’s what we agreed upon” and he would say “Well he should be paying this much, I’m going to send him a letter.” That really pissed me off, I asked for only 2 things when I gave him my business with my customers and he wouldn’t keep to either one of them.

He didn’t even realize he was doing it, it drove me crazy, how could he not see what he was doing to me, how could he not see how much he hurt me all the time? And now he seems like my only hope for being able to afford to move my stuff back home. Talk about your tripple whamy.

  1. The one thing I have always wanted was to be independant, to be able to provide for myself, now after living that dream for only 6 months I have to move back home with my parents.
  2. The only way I can afford to do so is to get my old boss that I hated working for to front me the money necessary to rent the uHaul and pay for gas, lodging, and food for the trip home, thus putting me in his debt and requiring me to work for him again.
  3. On top of all this, I cannot help but feel the shame as if I am a complete failure for this project not working

Yeah I know the last one really doesn’t make sense, especially for those of you that know my situation. The problems of Western Carolina Wireless are not at all my fault, and I worked incredibly hard to circumvent those problems to no avail. But I’m a profectionist, when a project I’m working on fails, I cannot help but feel shame at failure. I hate defeat. I loathe it, but here it is, staring right at me. What am I to do?

One thing is certain, I have GOT to find a job with medical benefits so that I can see a doctor about what I believe to be clinical depression.

Crack out the Resumes

Well the continuing saga of if Western Carolina Wireless is going to continue operating goes on and on. Depression seemed to be at one of its highest points ever at the office today. In fact both of my coworkers left considerably early, and before 3 p.m. I was the only one at the office, and I stayed there till about 6 all alone.

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Boredom, Insane ACTD Characters, and a Personality Disorder test

This w.bloggar thingy is pretty cool, nice to be able to work on the blog without signing into the site first and stuff, not to mention it makes it like writing an e-mail, all yall that do this kind of stuff should give it a try.

Ug today was absolutely boring, I normally watch a few Disney Channel shows on Saturdays but they are doing a Kim Possible Marathon and I don’t really care about Kim Possible, someone kill me now!

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Pop into Internet Pop Culture

Earlier this week I decided to start entering more of the internet culture, I’ve been a webmaster since 1995 and I’ve kinda got caught in my old ways when I started doing perl programming and such. I noticed that more recent aspects internet culture have gone ignored by me. Last Friday I started publishing my first Fanfic. Unlike what a lot of you would think, I did NOT base it on the Star Trek universe (perhaps I will write my next fanfic in this universe), but instead I picked a show with lighter content to get started, I picked to base the fanfic on the show Lizzie McGuire (Disney Channel and ABC).

Today I decided that I should perhaps start another popular element of Internet Culture, and that is, the weblog or blog as it is commonly known. Now I could have written my own system to do it, and perhaps one day I will, but for now I decided it would be easiest to go with the commonly used Movable Type program, seems simple enough, I intend to play with the templating features of it soon, but for starters this will be a tad plain. I do kinda like the Categories thing, this way I can do things like Personal Logs, Duty Logs, my ACTD Logs, and Fanfic updates and easily identify the difference between them.

So here I am, writing my very first blog entry and it seem somewhat natural actually, why didn’t I do this a long time ago? I dunno, but I intend to keep this regularly updated.

End Transmission.